Letting Yourself Rest

On a coaching call today I asked my client a common question: “What do you need to do next?” She said, “I really just need to let myself rest emotionally.”

Rest. What a complicated topic in our modern culture. We all know we “should” rest, but often it feels so difficult. There’s always more to be done and there’s never enough time. And resting the physical body is one thing, but what about resting emotionally? What does that even mean?

In my own life, it’s taken me years to learn how to rest, and even still I need to have a firm talking-to with my inner critic before I begin a period of rest.

For a long time, the only time I felt “allowed” to rest, was when I was sick. So I got sick a lot. Like 6-7 times a year. Now, when I’ve been ignoring my need for rest for too long, my body will signal me with the beginnings of a cold. When that happens, I drop everything. I say “thank you body, for telling me what you need”. And then I spend the rest of the afternoon in bed, reading or meditating or listening to music. And almost every time, I’m feeling better by the morning.

It’s gotten easier to carve out these firm boundaries around physical rest. Acknowledging that it’s just as vital as work. Another reminder of the yin-yang nature of our world - both are needed, neither is more valuable than the other.

But what about emotional rest?  What about when you promised your friend you’d go to her event, but you really just feel like staying home? What about when your inner critic has been yammering for days about pushed deadlines and lack of progress, and you really just need a BREAK from that voice? What about when you feel the tug of sorrow in your heart, but you don’t feel like you have the time or space to really listen to the sadness or let it out, so you can find relief?

For most of us, numbing out is the closest we get to emotional rest. We forgo our own sorrows for the sorrows of the heroine in a book or movie, and it helps. We let our minds go blank as we scroll social media for hours, and the sorrow has been replaced with guilt - so that’s something. We drink a glass of wine and spend two hours on the phone with our best friend complaining about our lives. It feels good, but it doesn’t feel like REST.

So what then? What is emotional rest? I’m guessing its different for all of us, but for me, its letting myself be at peace with exactly where I’m at in life. It’s turning towards that critical voice and saying thank you, I hear you, and not today.

Today I chose to love myself, in a tender, gentle way. Today I chose to wrap my heart up in my arms, like it’s a tiny kitten, and give it cuddles and belly rubs. Today I chose to let go of plans and to-dos and worries and stare out the window at the rain, and feel the warmth of my blanket, and not need anything to be different than it is.

To me, emotional rest means releasing striving and doing, but it also means releasing “healing” and fixing. It means dropping everything, just for a little while, and letting myself feel perfect, right now.

What does it mean for you?