How Mindfulness Changed My Life
Mindfulness seems to be everywhere these days- and with good reason. It has radically transformed my life, and when I teach it to my clients, I watch their lives transform as well. Instead of trying to give you a high-level overview of the science, statistics, or strategies of mindfulness (after all, there are plenty of great resources out there written by teachers and practitioners who’ve been at it far longer than me) I thought I would just tell you what mindfulness does for ME.
1. It helps me be aware of my thoughts so that I can choose, moment to moment, how I create my world.
It’s getting to be common knowledge that our thoughts create our experience of the world. (If I see the rain and think “No! I hate the rain!” I feel sad. If you see the rain and think “Yay! My plants will be so happy!” you feel pleased. The rain is neutral; what we THINK about the rain is what determines our emotions, responses and behaviors.)
Mindfulness helps me become aware of whats happening in my brain, so that I can notice whether or not I’m thinking thoughts that support my well-being, or diminish it.
We may not get to choose what happens to us throughout out lives, but we do get to choose how we react. Which is why the experiences of people like Nelson Mandela and Etty Hillesum are so profound. Their MINDSET is what allowed them to sustain internal well-being despite horrific external conditions. Remembering that helps me to be accountable for my own mindset, and mindfulness is the tool I use to remain in “choice”.
2. It helps me enjoy my life more.
Before I discovered mindfulness, I spent almost 100% of my time stuck in my head: ruminating about the past, worrying about the future, and disconnected from my present moment experience. For me, this pattern was so powerful that it was incredibly difficult for me to enjoy my life. I would look at a sunset and think “I know I should appreciate that, but I don’t really know how.” I’d get a massage, and then realize at the end of the hour that I’d spent the whole time stressing about a conversation or planning my schedule. I’d eat two bites of a delicious dessert, and then pick up my phone and completely forget I was eating till it was all gone.
Mindfulness allows me to be fully present for the joyful experiences in my life - the big and the small.
It allows me to be in my body during delicious sensory experiences like massages, hot baths and nature hikes. It allows me to notice when my mind is wandering during precious and important moments, like playing with my niece. It helps me to be grateful for the tiny moments of joy with my partner and family, because I’m actually EXPERIENCING them instead of just thinking about them.
3. It connects me to my higher self
My daily practice is constantly evolving. Sometimes I sit on my cushion and follow my breath, returning over and over again to refine my focus. Sometimes I sit in the backyard and notice as much as I possibly can - heightening all of my senses and “taking in the good”. Sometimes I do chakra clearings, or guided visualizations, or use mantras. The methods change, but one thing always stays the same:
My practice brings me “home”. It reconnects me to the part of myself that is always compassionate, wise, grounded, and stable.
It reminds me that no matter how much chaos there may be outside of me, I always have access to a safe haven within. Mindfulness has taught me how to touch into this place when I feel overwhelmed, anxious or upset, so that I no longer need to try to control the outside world just to feel safe. That safety and love exists within me, and mindfulness has taught me that it’s always there, unchanging, patiently waiting for me to return home.
4. It’s taught me to have compassion for myself and others.
John Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” A huge shift happened in my life when I started to understand and live that last piece: non-judgmentally.
The human experience is very difficult. And not only is life hard, but we create so much suffering for ourselves within our own minds. This felt particularly potent for me, because rationally I knew that I was one of the “lucky” ones: privileged, educated, a loving family, a socially accepted physical appearance. So why was I so unhappy? And more to the point, who the hell did I think I was to BE unhappy? “People are ACTUALLY suffering all around the world, Cecily, and here you are, sitting in your room, depressed for no reason. How selfish.”
Woah. Hold up. Here’s where that non-judgemental piece comes in. Judgemental thinking is such a trap. Putting everything into categories of right and wrong, good and bad. Deciding whether or not I am “allowed” to feel my feelings or have my experience. That's a rabbit hole that can go on forever.
Mindfulness takes me right out of that hole and up on top of the hill, so I can sit peacefully and look down on the endless field of rabbit holes and smile. “Oh. The human brain is so funny. It likes to do that, doesn’t it? There it goes again, running off to some new worry or complaint. Gripping on to some preference, rejecting reality, reliving the past, swirling and looping and analyzing and generally making itself miserable. Instead of doing that, I think I’ll just soften. Breathe. Allow. That feels better.”
Non-judgemental awareness helped me to realize that although my external experiences are unique, the way my brain creates suffering is universal. The Buddha taught about it 2600 years ago, and we are still running that old program. So I can just pull back, recognize the pattern, smile at myself and remember that it doesn’t make me WRONG, it makes me HUMAN. It brings me closer to others and it helps me see and have compassion for their human-ness as well.